David Bussell - Comedy Proffesional

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Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Cookery Corner

The Bussell Mussel Sprout
Serves 1 | prepare 20 mins


1 medium density cabbage. Type of cabbage unimportant. NOT a savoy.

1 kg Bussell's Mussels. If you are not named Bussell, regular mussels will suffice.

Begin by wiping down surfaces:

Turn oven to 190c (gas mark 5):

 Level base of cabbage for stability: 

Remove cabbage lid: 

Hollow will ideally be big enough to accommodate a man’s fist:

Pour the mussels flush with the opening:

 Open oven. The Bussell Mussel sprout is served raw and requires no cooking, but your pre-heated oven will now make the kitchen toasty warm.
Nb. If preparing this dish in Summer, pop the fridge instead.

Shave head:

 Wow your guests by serving the Bussell Mussel Sprout on a bed of human hair:

Your meal is ready to be served. Add a pirate for garnish:

Chef’s tips:

Don't waste money on a Fleshlight, just remove the batteries from a regular flashlight and f*ck that instead.
Why not try a crisp floral white wine, you big fairy?

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